In the Blackfoot language, “SAH” means “no,” and as such it was a perfect word to use as an acronym for “Siksika Alliance of Homophiles.” When I first came out, it was in London, Ontario, at Bannisters, which was one of two clubs in town. On Saturday nights, HALO was the place to go. I always loved HALO as an acronym for Homophiles of London Ontario, and I thought it was a good template for our Siksika group. The purpose of SAH was not only to provide a social and support group; it was also to say NO to homophobia, racism, and all the bad that comes with ignorance and discrimination.

Although Two-Spirited people on my Nation had been gathering from time immemorial, the colonial project had a devastating effect on Indigenous sexual identity. The complicity of religious groups in suppressing, punishing, and eliminating sexuality within Indigenous communities is well-known by Two-Spirited peoples. Sadly, many traditions and cultural practices were lost or went underground; very little information and knowledge remains. Yet with the advent and advancement of gay rights within the general public, as well as the publication of books like The Spirit and the Flesh (1986) by Walter L. Williams, and Living the Spirit: A Gay American Indian Anthology (1988), edited by Will Roscoe, Two-Spirited people began to reclaim their histories and thus their identities within their tribes and diverse communities.

For the longest time, Two-Spirited people on my Nation suffered from the same toxic Christian morality and systemic homophobia as our gay brothers and sisters. The colonial project, specifically the residential school system, created shame and loathing within our communities, which is ironic as those same priests, nuns, and administrators were sexually assaulting their wards. This is a perversion that further confused young Two-Spirited minds and bodies. There are much longer discussions to be had on the effects of residential schools on Indigenous sex and sexuality.

Little is known about historical Blackfoot Two-Spirited people, yet pockets of information exist in our elders’ memories and stories. While homophobia did and does exist on the Siksika Nation, it never felt as harsh when compared with outside communities. Siksika is a matriarchal society: the Motokiks (Buffalo Women’s Society) guide and protect us. I often witnessed older women scolding younger men and women when they were being homophobic toward Two-Spirited people. For the longest time, I wondered about the reason the Motokiks did this. When my father and I had a conversation about homosexuality, all he said was that I was “special.” I did not really understand what that special meant until years later.

Research and the sharing of stories within the Blackfoot Confederacy, which includes the Siksika, the Kainai, the Piikani, and the Blackfeet in Montana, are bringing to light and to life the traditional role that Two-Spirited people played within the tribe. This history is being discussed and revived within Blackfoot societal structures; it is said that Two-Spirited people played an important role during the Sundance. That role is being reclaimed, and hopefully, one day, it will be an active element of the Sundance ceremonies once again. In fact, Two-Spirited people were once well respected and integrated into all of Blackfoot life.

It is said that Two-Spirited people were also feared for the powers they had. Exactly what powers these were still remain unclear to me, yet if Two-Spirited people became medicine people, there was a great respect and, at times, fear for the medicines they held. I know that men dressed as women and women as men, taking on opposite gender roles, yet I wonder if this was exclusively true. There are still many questions: Was there a specific society for Two-Spirited people? Did they have their own ceremonies and bundles? Did they always inhabit the opposite gender or was it fluid? Pansexuality seems to be a norm in Indigenous cultures, yet not always: Was there a more fluid sexual way of being before colonization?

One of the things I wonder about is how we compare Western understandings with Indigenous understandings of homosexuality. Due to colonization, we often start with the Western view of sexuality through moral, sexological, and psychological lenses. Indigenous sexuality and sexual history are very different and highly diverse amongst tribes—but it is very difficult to understand this when seeing it through the English language and the Western psychological/philosophical/religious canons.

Many years ago, I witnessed the Motokiks at a powwow. I noticed one of the women looked more androgynous, so I asked my auntie who this person was. Her answer surprised me: she said their name, which was a typical male name, and she said that they were a part of the Motokiks. I then said, “I thought this society was only for women.” My aunt said, “Awahkikaas,” which translates as “acts like a woman.” It was an interesting moment, as my colonized mind was going, How is this possible? and my Blackfoot mind was like, That’s cool, normal, and right-on.

What I am describing is the split that occurs in many Indigenous minds. The understanding and acceptance of Two-Spirited people within my community suffered as our customs and traditions suffered under the colonial project. But there has been enough knowledge passed down to keep Two-Spirited history intact, enough to ensure the continued reclamation of our ways of being. So much so that one of our most respected women’s societies actively practices Two-Spirit inclusion.

Back to the 80s and early 90s. A dear friend of mine and Two-Spirited person, Romeo Crowchief, and I decided to form “Just Say SAH.” Part of our intention was to create a support group for all Siksika Two-Spirited people on my Nation. I created the first Just Say SAH pamphlet in 1991 to announce our presence, and to inquire whether a group was needed to support our Two-Spirited members.

On the cover of the pamphlet was Osh-Tisch (“Finds Them and Kills Them”): a well-documented Crow Bote, or Two-Spirited person, standing in front of a pink triangle tipi. Inside the cover read,